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"One Blonde To Another"

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A blonde woman was having financial troubles so she decided to kidnap a

child and demand a ransom. She went to a local park, grabbed a little

boy, took him behind a tree and wrote this note. "I have kidnapped your

child. I am sorry to do this but I need the money. Leave $10,000 in a

plain brown bag behind the big oak tree in the park at 7 AM." Signed,

"The Blonde".

She pinned the note inside the little boy's jacket and told him to go

straight home. The next morning, she returned to the park to find the

$10,000 in a brown bag behind the big oak tree, just as she had

instructed.

Inside the bag was the following note. "Here is your money. I cannot

believe that one blonde would do this to another."

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Three business men were sitting in a bar, drinking and discussing how stupid their wives were.

The first says, "I tell you, my wife is so stupid. Last week she went to the supermarket and bought $300 worth of meat because it was on sale, and we don't even have a fridge big enough to keep it in!"

The second agrees that she sounds pretty thick, but says his wife is thicker. "Just last week, she went out and spent $17000 on a new car", he laments, "and she doesn't even know how to drive!"

The third, a blonde male, nods sagely and agrees that these two women sound like they both walked through the stupid forest and got hit by every branch. However, he still thinks his wife is dumber. "I have to laugh when I think about it", he chuckles. "Last week my wife left on a vacation to Greece. I watched her packing her bags and she must have taken at least five boxes of condoms with her. She doesn't even have a penis!"

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A blind man enters a "Ladies Bar" by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a drink. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"

The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is just fair (given that you are blind) that you should know five things:

1. The bartender is a blonde girl.

2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.

3. I'm a 6 feet tall, 220 lb. blonde woman with a black belt in karate.

4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a professional weight lifter.

5. The lady to your right is a blonde and is a professional wrestler.

Now think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"

The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head and declares, "Nah....Not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

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  • 2 weeks later...

Three women are about to be executed. One's a brunette, one's a redhead, and one's a blonde. Two guards brings the brunette forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.

She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."

Suddenly the brunette yells, "earthquake!!"

Everyone is startled and looks around. She manages to escape.

The angry guards then bring the redhead forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.

She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."

The redhead then screams, "tornado!!"

Yet again, everyone is startled and looks around. She too escapes execution.

By this point, the blonde had figured out what the others did. The guards bring her forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.

She also says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."

The blonde shouts, "fire!!"

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A blonde gets in an elevator and sees a man standing there. She tells him, "TGIF, sir," to which he replies, "S-H-I-T, ma'am." Surprised, she replies, "Excuse me, I was just trying to be nice , TGIF stands for 'Thank goodness it's Friday.' The man replies, "s*** stands for 'Sorry honey it's Thursday.'

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K9 and the Blonde

Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house

ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and

reported the crime.

The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9

unit, patrolling nearby was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer

approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on

the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat

down on the steps.

Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, "I come home to find all

my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do?

They send me a BLIND policeman."

:shocking:

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A blonde gets in an elevator and sees a man standing there. She tells him, "TGIF, sir," to which he replies, "S-H-I-T, ma'am." Surprised, she replies, "Excuse me, I was just trying to be nice , TGIF stands for 'Thank goodness it's Friday.' The man replies, "s*** stands for 'Sorry honey it's Thursday.'

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

hehe I like that one :shocking:

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  • 1 month later...

A man hires a blonde to paint stripes down a road, but she has to do at least four miles each day. The first day, the blonde does 8 miles. The boss is extremely impressed. The second day the blonde does 4 miles. The boss is somewhat impressed, but not as much as before. The third day, the blonde does two miles. The boss thinks she is just having a bad day, so he still lets her keep the job. The fourth day, the blonde only does 1 mile.

The boss asks, "You were doing so well before. What happened?!" The blonde replies, "I can't get far because each day I'm getting further and further away from the bucket."

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  • 2 weeks later...

A blonde wanted to go ice fishing.

She'd seen many books on the subject, and finally getting all the necessary tools together, she made for the ice.

After positioning her comfy footstool, she started to make a circular cut in the ice.

Suddenly, from the sky, a voice boomed, THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE.

Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a thermos of cappuccino, and began to cut yet another hole.

Again from the heavens the voice bellowed, THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE.

The blonde, now worried, moved away, clear down to the opposite end of the ice.

She set up her stool once more and tried again to cut her hole.

The voice came once more, THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE.

She stopped, looked skyward, and said, IS THAT YOU LORD?

The voice replied, NO, THIS IS THE MANAGER OF THE HOCKEY RINK.

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  • 4 weeks later...

A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it.

Impossible!" says the doctor "Show me."

The redhead takes her finger, pushes on her left breast and screams, then she pushes her elbow and screams in even more agony.

She pushes her knee and screams; likewise she pushes her ankle and screams. Everywhere she touches makes her scream.

The doctor says, "You're not really a redhead, are you?"

"Well, no" she says, "I'm actually a blonde."

"I thought so," the doctor says. "Your finger is broken."

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  • 4 months later...

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