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Sniper

Admittance Policy

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It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change the

admittance policy. The new policy was that in order to get into Heaven,

you had to have a really bad day on the day that you died. The policy

would go into effect at noon the next day.

So, the next day at 12:01 the first person came to the gates of Heaven.

The Angel on duty at the gate, remembering the new policy, promptly

asked the man, "Before I let you in, I need you to tell me how your day

was going when you died."

"No problem," the man said. "I came home to my 25th-floor apartment on

my lunch hour and caught my wife having an affair. But her lover was

nowhere in sight. I immediately began searching for him. My wife was

half naked and yelling at me as I searched the entire apartment.

Just as I was about to give up, I happened to glance out onto the

balcony and noticed that there was a man hanging off the edge by his

fingertips! The nerve of that guy! Well, I ran out onto the balcony and

stomped on his fingers until he fell to the ground.

But wouldn't you know it, he landed in some trees and bushes that broke

his fall and he didn't die. This ticked me off even more. In a rage, I

went back inside to get the first heavy thing I could get my hands on

to throw at him. Oddly enough, the first thing I thought of was the

refrigerator. I unplugged it, pushed it out onto the balcony, and

tipped it over the side. It plummeted 25 stories and crushed him! The

excitement of the moment was so great that I had a heart attack and

died almost instantly."

The Angel sat back and thought a moment. Technically, the guy did have

a bad day. It was a crime of passion. So, the Angel announced, "OK,

sir. Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven," and let him in.

A few seconds later the next guy came up. To the Angel's surprise, it

was Donald Trump.

"Mr. Trump, before I can let you in, I need to hear about what your day

was like when you died."

Trump said, "No problem. But you're not going to believe this. I was on

the balcony of my 26th floor apartment doing my daily exercises. I had

been under a lot of pressure so I was really pushing hard to relieve my

stress. I guess I got a little carried away, slipped, and accidentally

fell over the side!

Luckily, I was able to catch myself by the fingertips on the balcony

below mine. But all of a sudden this crazy man comes running out of his

apartment, starts cussing, and stomps on my fingers. Well, of course I

fell. I hit some trees and bushes at the bottom, which broke my fall,

so I didn't die right away. As I'm laying there face up on the ground,

unable to move and in excruciating pain, I see this guy push his

refrigerator of all things off the balcony. It falls the 25 floors and

lands on top of me, killing me instantly."

The Angel is quietly laughing to himself as Trump finishes his story.

"A person could get used to this new policy," he thinks to himself.

"Very well," the Angel announces. "Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven,"

and he lets Trump enter.

A few seconds later, Bill Clinton comes up to the gate. The Angel is

almost too shocked to speak. Thoughts of assassination and war pour

through the Angel's head. Finally he says, "Mr. President, please tell

me what it was like the day you died."

Clinton says, "OK, picture this. I'm naked, inside a refrigerator......"

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