Comedy Club

Really, I'm stuck on a conference call thats been going for 2hrs now... but here's some funny sheet And for you younger guys, still in HS or college, you know who you are!

Got linked this by a friend. Perfect for Halloween. ...And no, it's not a Reaper from Mass Effect. Source: http://ktar.com/265/1672027/Comedian-builds-flying-reaper-terrifies-people

Please join me in remembering yet another great icon of the entertainment community. The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes to the belly. He was 71. Doughboy was survived by his wife Play Dough, three children, John Dough, Jane Dough, and Dosey Dough, plus they had one in the Oven. The Funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.

Actual letter of resignation from an employee at Zantex Computers, USA, to his boss. His boss apparently resigned very soon afterwards! Dear Mr Baker, As an employee of an institution of higher education, I have a few very basic expectations. Chief among these is that my direct superiors have an intellect that ranges above the common ground squirrel. After your consistent and annoying harassment of my co-workers and myself during the commission of our duties, I can only surmise that you are one of the few true genetic wastes of our time. Asking me, a network administrator, to explain every little nuance of everything I do each time you happen to stroll into my …

This is funny as hell. :)

COMMANDMENT 1 Marriages are made in heaven. But so are thunder and lightning. COMMANDMENT 2 If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep. COMMANDMENT 3 Marriage is grand -- and divorce is at least 100 grand! COMMANDMENT 4 Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbours listen. COMMANDMENT 5 When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: Either the car is new or the wife is. COMMANDMENT 6 Marriage…

Monzy - So f' pimp http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_mVDdmEinrM 1-900-NERD-GIRL http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wmRSuYIL1zc The day the routers died http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_y36fG2Oba0 Dell for porn http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F7ZGpgQwYFU Circle Circle Dot Dot http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O-tkqpHnxTI Best of Prince John http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tTNe_uJ4cnU

Lawyer: "Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?" Witness: "No." Lawyer: "Did you check for blood pressure?" Witness: "No." Lawyer: "Did you check for breathing?" Witness: "No." Lawyer: "So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?" Witness: "No." Lawyer: "How can you be so sure, Doctor?" Witness: "Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar." Lawyer: "But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?" Witness: "Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere."

Tarun Looks nothing like me. :jump:

Search suggestions: a window on the soul of the net

All politicians are prone to make slips of the tongue in the heat of the moment - and President George W Bush has made more than most. The word "Bushism" has been coined to label his occasional verbal lapses during eight years in office, which come to an end on 20 January. Here are some of his most memorable pronouncements. ON HIMSELF "They misunderestimated me." [bentonville, Arkansas, 6 November, 2000 ] ''I know what I believe. I will continue to articulate what I believe and what I believe - I believe what I believe is right." [Rome, 22 July, 2001] "There's an old saying in Tennessee - I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee - that says, fool me once,…

This Ninja Cat is really awesome. :jump:

Linux User at Best Buy

Was stumbling across an article on Microsoft.com; * http://msdn.microsoft.com/en-us/library/ms972827.aspx Where I found this image; Where it has "warez" in the path of installation. For anyone who don't know what warez is, here is an article; * http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Warez

Thanks to Synapse for this one. Crash bang boom!

Click.

http://www.biggeekdaddy.com/humorpages/Mis...wnmowerDUI.html

:hello:

Here are six reasons why you should think before you speak :- Have you ever spoken and wished that you could Immediately take the words back... Or that you could crawl into a hole? Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did.... __________ FIRST TESTIMONY: I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" I turned around and walked back out and never went back. My husband didn't say a word... He knew better. __________ SECOND TESTIMONY: I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's ty…

The man told his doctor that he wasn't able to do all the things around the house that he used to do. When the examination was complete, he said, "Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me." "Well, in plain English," the doctor replied, "you're just lazy." "OK," said the man. "Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife." **If anyone ever gets the medical term please PM immediately!** ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A soldier was asked to report to the headquarters sergeant for an assignment. The sergeant said, “We have a …

Attention, In order to assure the highest levels of quality work and productivity from employees, it will be our policy to keep all employees well trained through our program of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (S.H.I.T.). We are trying to give employees more S.H.I.T. than anyone else. If you feel that you do not receive your share of S.H.I.T. on the job, please see your manager. You will be immediately placed at the top of the S.H.I.T. list, and our managers are especially skilled at seeing that you get all the S.H.I.T. you can handle. Employees who don't take their S.H.I.T. will be placed in DEPARTMENTAL EMPLOYEE EVALUATION PROGRAMS (D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T.). Those…

The 1st Affair: A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day they went her place and made love all afternoon. Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM. The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt. He put on his shoes and drove home. "Where have you been?" his wife demanded. "I can't lie to you," he replied, "I'm having an affair with my secretary. We had sex all afternoon." "You lying bastard! You've been playing golf .. again !!!!" ------------ ------------------------------------------------------------- The 2nd Affair: A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daugh…

Follow the link to find out which Simpson you are. Which Simpson Are You? I turned out to be DR Hibbert...... go figure. Cheers :hello:

For several years, a man was having an affair with an Italian woman. One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he paid her a large sum of money so she would go to Italy to secretly have the child. If she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18. She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born. To keep it discrete, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and write "Spaghetti" on the back. He would then arrange for the child support payments to begin. One day, about 9 months later, he came home…