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zaphirer

Diary of a cat and dog

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EXCERPTS FROM A DOG'S DIARY

Monday

8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVOURITE!

9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVOURITE!

9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVOURITE!

10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVOURITE!

11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVOURITE!

12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVOURITE!

1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVOURITE!

4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVOURITE!

5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVOURITE!

5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVOURITE!

Tuesday

8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVOURITE!

9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVOURITE!

9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVOURITE!

10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVOURITE!

11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVOURITE!

12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVOURITE!

1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVOURITE!

4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVOURITE!

5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVOURITE!

5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVOURITE!

Wednesday

8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVOURITE!

9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVOURITE!

9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVOURITE!

10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVOURITE!

11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVOURITE!

12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVOURITE!

1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVOURITE!

1:30 pm - ooooooo. bath. bummer.

4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVOURITE!

5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVOURITE!

5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVOURITE!

EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DIARY

DAY 752

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little

dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat,

while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing

that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild

satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of

furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.

DAY 761

Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around

their feet while they were walking almost succeeded,

must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt

to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once

again induced myself to vomit on their favourite chair...

must try this on their bed.

DAY 765

Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body in

attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and

to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed

and condescend ed about what a good little cat I was.

Hmmm..... Not working according to plan.

DAY 768

I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good

reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however

it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What

sick minds could invent such a liquid. My only consolation

is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.

DAY 771

There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was

placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could

hear the noise and smell the foul odour of the glass tubes

they call "beer". More importantly I overheard that my

confinement was due to my power of "allergies." Must learn

what this is and how to use it to my advantage.

DAY 774

I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe

snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than

happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the

other hand has got to be an informant, and speaks with them

regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to

his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured.

But I can wait, it is only a matter of time...

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