the audit

[Sniper]

The IRS decides to audit Ralph, and summons him to the IRS office. The IRS

auditor is not surprised when Ralph shows up with his attorney.

The auditor says, "Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no

full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money

gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable."

"I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it," says Ralph. "How about a

demonstration?"

The auditor thinks for a moment and said, "Okay. Go ahead."

Ralph says, "I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye."

The auditor thinks a moment and says, "No way! It's a bet."

Ralph removes his glass eye and bites it.

The auditor's jaw drops.

Ralph says, "Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other

eye."

The auditor can tell Ralph isn't blind, so he takes the bet.

Ralph removes his dentures and bites his good eye. The stunned auditor now

realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Ralph's attorney as a

witness. He starts to get nervous.

"Want to go double or nothing?" Ralph asks. "I'll bet you six thousand

dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that

wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between."

The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and

decides there's no way this guy can manage that stunt, so he agrees again.

Ralph stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains

mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on other side, so

he pretty much urinates all over the desk.

The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss

into a huge win. But Ralph's attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.

"Are you okay?" the auditor asks. "Not really," says the attorney. "This

morning, when Ralph told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me

twenty thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all over your

desk and that you'd be happy about it."