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Redneck Christmas


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redneck fruit cake recipe:

All this talk of dry fruitcake made me pine for the days of yore when I would help grandma make her Christmas fruitcake. Here's the recipe (as best as I can remember it, it is just a little fuzzy):

You'll need the following: a cup of water, a cup of sugar, four large eggs, two cups of dried fruit, a teaspoon of baking soda, a teaspoon of salt, a cup of brown sugar, lemon juice, nuts, and a bottle of whiskey. NOTE: Whiskey may be replaced with your favorite "aged 80 proof beverage" Being of Norwegian ancestry, me and grandma naturally used aged whiskey.Scotch and Rum works as well.


First sample the whiskey to check for quality.

Take a large bowl. Check the whiskey again just to be sure it is the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink. Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer, beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar and beat again.

Make sure the whiskey is still okay. Cry another tup. Turn off the mixer. Break two leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it loose with a drewscriver.

Sample the whiskey to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something ? Check the whiskey. Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table.... Spoon. of sugar or something. Whatever you can find.

Grease the oven. Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees. Don't forget to beat off the turner. Throw the bowl out of the window, check the whiskey again and go to bed.

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Sounds a little like my old family cold remedy.

All you need is a pan, water, stick of butter, 1/4 cup of honey, and a bottle of rum.

Pour 1 cup of water in the pan and place on the stove over high heat.

Add the butter and honey, stir.

When the mixture comes to a boil, toss the pan in the sink and drink the rum.

It wont cure your cold but about half way through the bottle of rum, you really wont give a rats a**.

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