Gay flight attendant

[Sniper]

A flight was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who

seemed to put everyone in a good mood as he served us food and drinks.

As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and

told the passengers that, "Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be

landing the big scary plane shortly, so lovely people, if you could just

put your trays up, that would be super."

On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed this well-dressed and rather

Arabic looking woman hadn't moved a muscle. "Perhaps you didn't hear me

over those big brute engines but I asked you to raise your trazy-poo, so

the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground."

She calmly turned her head and said, "In my country, I am called a

Princess and I take orders from no one," to which the flight

attendant replied, without missing a beat,

"Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country I'm called a Queen, so I outrank you. Tray-up, b***h."

[Capman]

HAHA, nice one.

[MrT]

Attendant: Welcome aboard Ala Carte Air, Sir. May I see your ticket?

Passenger: Sure.

Attendant: You're in seat 12B. That will be $5, please!

Passenger: What for?

Attendant: For telling you where to sit.

Passenger: But I already knew where to sit.

Attendant: Nevertheless, we are now charging a seat-locator fee of $5. It's the airline's new policy.

Passenger: That's the craziest thing I ever heard. I won't pay it.

Attendant: Sir, do you want a seat on this flight, or not ?

Passenger: Yes, yes. All right, I'll pay. But the airline is going to hear about this.

Attendant: Thank you. My goodness, your carry-on bag looks heavy. Would you like me to stow it in the overhead compartment for you ?

Passenger: That would be swell, thanks.

Attendant: No problem (grunts). Up we go, and done! that will be $10, please.

Passenger: What?

Attendant: The airline now charges a $10 carry-on assistance fee.

Passenger: This is extortion. I won't stand for it.

Attendant: Actually, you're right - you can't stand. You need to sit, and fasten your seat belt. We're about to push back from the gate. But first I need that $10.

Passenger: No way.

Attendant: Sir, if! you don 't comply, I will be forced to call the air marshal. And you really don't want me to do that.

Passenger: Why not ? Is he going to shoot me ?

Attendant: No, but there's a $50 air-marshal hailing fee.

Passenger: Oh, all right, here - take the $10. I can't believe this.

Attendant: Thank you for your cooperation, sir. Is there anything else I can do for you ?

Passenger: Yes. It's stuffy in here, and my overhead fan doesn't seem to work. Can you fix it ?

Attendant: Your overhead fan is not broken, sir. Just insert two quarters into the overhead coin slot for the first five minutes.

Passenger: The airline is charging me for cabin air ?

Attendant: Of course not, sir. Stagnant cabin air is provided free of charge. It's the circulating air that costs 50 cents.

Passenger: I don't have any quarters. Can you make change for a dollar ?

Attendant: Certainly, sir! Here you go!

Passenger: But you've given me only three quarters for my dollar.

Attendant: Yes, there's a change-making fee of 25 cents.

Passenger: For cryin' out loud. All I have left is a lousy quarter ? Whatever will I do with it ?

Attendant: Hang on to it. You'll need it later for the lavatory.

[Sniper]

Attendant: Welcome aboard Ala Carte Air, Sir. May I see your ticket?

Passenger: Sure.

Attendant: You're in seat 12B. That will be $5, please!

Passenger: What for?

Attendant: For telling you where to sit.

Passenger: But I already knew where to sit.

Attendant: Nevertheless, we are now charging a seat-locator fee of $5. It's the airline's new policy.

Passenger: That's the craziest thing I ever heard. I won't pay it.

Attendant: Sir, do you want a seat on this flight, or not ?

Passenger: Yes, yes. All right, I'll pay. But the airline is going to hear about this.

Attendant: Thank you. My goodness, your carry-on bag looks heavy. Would you like me to stow it in the overhead compartment for you ?

Passenger: That would be swell, thanks.

Attendant: No problem (grunts). Up we go, and done! that will be $10, please.

Passenger: What?

Attendant: The airline now charges a $10 carry-on assistance fee.

Passenger: This is extortion. I won't stand for it.

Attendant: Actually, you're right - you can't stand. You need to sit, and fasten your seat belt. We're about to push back from the gate. But first I need that $10.

Passenger: No way.

Attendant: Sir, if! you don 't comply, I will be forced to call the air marshal. And you really don't want me to do that.

Passenger: Why not ? Is he going to shoot me ?

Attendant: No, but there's a $50 air-marshal hailing fee.

Passenger: Oh, all right, here - take the $10. I can't believe this.

Attendant: Thank you for your cooperation, sir. Is there anything else I can do for you ?

Passenger: Yes. It's stuffy in here, and my overhead fan doesn't seem to work. Can you fix it ?

Attendant: Your overhead fan is not broken, sir. Just insert two quarters into the overhead coin slot for the first five minutes.

Passenger: The airline is charging me for cabin air ?

Attendant: Of course not, sir. Stagnant cabin air is provided free of charge. It's the circulating air that costs 50 cents.

Passenger: I don't have any quarters. Can you make change for a dollar ?

Attendant: Certainly, sir! Here you go!

Passenger: But you've given me only three quarters for my dollar.

Attendant: Yes, there's a change-making fee of 25 cents.

Passenger: For cryin' out loud. All I have left is a lousy quarter ? Whatever will I do with it ?

Attendant: Hang on to it. You'll need it later for the lavatory.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I think those are the people that run the phone company. :D