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hazelnut

Santa will turn up

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Santa will turn up despite the facts here!

Santa has to deliver to 378m children and, accepting a family average of 3.5, this means 108m home visits. He has about 31 hours to get this done, because of the different time zones, which works out at 967.7 visits per second.

"This is to say that for each Christian household with a good child, Santa has around 1/1000th of a second to park the sleigh, hop out, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, jump into the sleigh and get on to the next house," says the assesment.

The total trip will be 75m miles, not counting bathroom stops or breaks.

"This means Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second - 3,000 times the speed of sound. A conventional reindeer's top speed is 15 miles per hour."

The toy load and reinforced sleigh are calculated at 600,000 tons: a lot for any kind of sleigh to carry which has to be pulled by nine reindeer, counting Rudolf.

Children should look away now.

"Six hundred thousand tons travelling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance," the premise goes. "This would heat up the reindeer in the same fashion as a spacecraft re-entering the Earth's atmosphere. The lead pair would absorb 14.3 quintillion joules of energy per second each. They would burst into flames and the entire reindeer team would be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second, about the time Santa reached the fifth house on his trip.

"Not that it matters since Santa, as a result of accelerating from a dead stop to 650 mps in .001 seconds, would be subjected to acceleration forces of 17,500 gs. He would be pinned to the back of the sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force, instantly crushing him. Therefore, if Santa did exist, he's dead now." Oh ye of little faith.

All this speculation and G-forces are total nonsense and I say Humbug to the Ministry of Scrooge. This rumour will not run because everyone knows Santa and his reindeer are not ruled by the laws of science. They live in the world of magic, as everyone from two to 92 knows. I guarantee Santa will make every delivery on time this year, as always.

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