SenutyEnool Posted February 15, 2006 Share Posted February 15, 2006 ABBOTT AND COSTELLO BUY A COMPUTER You have to be old enough to remember Abbott and Costello, and too old to REALLY understand computers to fully appreciate this. For those of us who sometimes get flustered by our computers, read on... If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their infamous sketch, "Who's on First?" might have turned out something like this: COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you? COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about buying a computer. ABBOTT: Mac? COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou. ABBOTT: Your computer? COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one. ABBOTT: Mac? COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou. ABBOTT: What about Windows? COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy? ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows? COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look at the windows? ABBOTT: Wallpaper. COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software. ABBOTT: Software for Windows? COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals and track expenses and run my business. What do you have? ABBOTT: Office. COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything? ABBOTT: I just did. COSTELLO: You just did what? ABBOTT: Recommend something. COSTELLO: You recommended something? ABBOTT: Yes. COSTELLO: For my office? ABBOTT: Yes. COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office? ABBOTT: Office. COSTELLO: Yes, for my office! ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows. COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let's just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need? ABBOTT: Word. COSTELLO: What word? ABBOTT: Word in Office. COSTELLO: The only word in office is office. ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows. COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows? ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue "W". COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue "w" if you don't start with some straight answers. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with? ABBOTT: Money. COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have? ABBOTT: Money. COSTELLO: I need money to track my money? ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer. COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer? ABBOTT: Money. COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer? ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge. COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much? ABBOTT: One copy. COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money? ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money. COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money? ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT! (A few days later) ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you? COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off? ABBOTT: Click on "START"............. -------------------------------- Cheers :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Capman Posted February 15, 2006 Share Posted February 15, 2006 Thats good :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lokoike Posted February 16, 2006 Share Posted February 16, 2006 Very funny stuff, SenutyEnool! I love Abbott and Costello! Actually, my brother and I had some movies and sketches on CD, like "Who's on First" and the movie with the mummy, and all that good stuff. Thanks for that awesome modern-day rendition! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrT Posted May 12, 2006 Share Posted May 12, 2006 Computer Acronyms PCMCIA - People Can't Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms BASIC - Bill's Attempt to Seize Industry Control ISDN - It Still Does Nothing APPLE - Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity WWW - World Wide Wait SCSI - System Can't See It DOS - Defunct Operating System IBM - I Blame Microsoft DEC - Do Expect Cuts CD-ROM - Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in Months OS/2 - Obsolete Soon, Too MACINTOSH - Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating System Hangs PENTIUM - Produces Erroneous Numbers Thru Incorrect Understanding of Mathematics COBOL - Completely Obsolete Business Oriented Language AMIGA - A Merely Insignificant Game Addiction LISP - Lots of Infuriating & Silly Parentheses MIPS - Meaningless Indication of Processor Speed WINDOWS - Will Install Needless Data On Whole System GIRO - Garbage In Rubbish Out MICROSOFT - Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only Fools Teenagers Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zaphirer Posted May 14, 2006 Share Posted May 14, 2006 Computer Acronyms PCMCIA - People Can't Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms BASIC - Bill's Attempt to Seize Industry Control ISDN - It Still Does Nothing APPLE - Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity WWW - World Wide Wait SCSI - System Can't See It DOS - Defunct Operating System IBM - I Blame Microsoft DEC - Do Expect Cuts CD-ROM - Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in Months OS/2 - Obsolete Soon, Too MACINTOSH - Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating System Hangs PENTIUM - Produces Erroneous Numbers Thru Incorrect Understanding of Mathematics COBOL - Completely Obsolete Business Oriented Language AMIGA - A Merely Insignificant Game Addiction LISP - Lots of Infuriating & Silly Parentheses MIPS - Meaningless Indication of Processor Speed WINDOWS - Will Install Needless Data On Whole System GIRO - Garbage In Rubbish Out MICROSOFT - Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only Fools Teenagers <{POST_SNAPBACK}> ahhaahahahaha... these are AWESOME. Copy & Paste this thread, or e-mail it to myself :P Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lokoike Posted May 15, 2006 Share Posted May 15, 2006 ahhaahahahaha... these are AWESOME. Copy & Paste this thread, or e-mail it to myself <{POST_SNAPBACK}> lol! I agree with zaph, those were just too clever! Good find, MrT! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrT Posted May 15, 2006 Share Posted May 15, 2006 you cant deny that some of those are true... like... COBOL - Completely Obsolete Business Oriented Language WINDOWS - Will Install Needless Data On Whole System and maybe this... MICROSOFT - Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only Fools Teenagers :P Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrT Posted August 26, 2006 Share Posted August 26, 2006 HARD DISK GIRLS she remembers everything, FOREVER RAM GIRLS she forget about you, the moment you turn her off WINDOW GIRLS everyone know that she can't do a thing right, but no one can live without her. SCREENSAVER GIRLS She is good for nothing but at least she is fun INTERNET GIRLS Difficult to access SERVER GIRLS Always busy when you need her. MULTIMEDIA GIRLS She make horrible thing look beautiful CD-ROM GIRLS She is always faster and faster. EMAIL GIRLS Every ten things she says, eight are nonsense VIRUS GIRLS Also known as "wife'' when you are not expecting her, she comes, install herself and uses all your resources. If you try to uninstall her you will lose something, if don't try you uninstall her you will lose everything... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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