ABBOTT AND COSTELLO BUY A COMPUTER

You have to be old enough to remember Abbott and Costello, and too old to REALLY understand computers to fully appreciate this. For those of us who sometimes get flustered by our computers, read on...

If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their infamous sketch, "Who's on First?" might have turned out something like this:

COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about buying a computer.

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.

ABBOTT: Your computer?

COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.

ABBOTT: What about Windows?

COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy?

ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?

COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look at the windows?

ABBOTT: Wallpaper.

COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.

ABBOTT: Software for Windows?

COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals and track expenses and run my business. What do you have?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?

ABBOTT: I just did.

COSTELLO: You just did what?

ABBOTT: Recommend something.

COSTELLO: You recommended something?

ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: For my office?

ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!

ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.

COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let's just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?

ABBOTT: Word.

COSTELLO: What word?

ABBOTT: Word in Office.

COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.

ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.

COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?

ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue "W".

COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue "w" if you don't start with some straight answers. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?

ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.

COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?

ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.

COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?

ABBOTT: One copy.

COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?

ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.

COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?

ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!

(A few days later)

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?

ABBOTT: Click on "START".............

--------------------------------

Cheers :)

Thats good :)

Very funny stuff, SenutyEnool! I love Abbott and Costello! Actually, my brother and I had some movies and sketches on CD, like "Who's on First" and the movie with the mummy, and all that good stuff.

Thanks for that awesome modern-day rendition!

Computer Acronyms

PCMCIA - People Can't Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms

BASIC - Bill's Attempt to Seize Industry Control

ISDN - It Still Does Nothing

APPLE - Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity

WWW - World Wide Wait

SCSI - System Can't See It

DOS - Defunct Operating System

IBM - I Blame Microsoft

DEC - Do Expect Cuts

CD-ROM - Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in Months

OS/2 - Obsolete Soon, Too

MACINTOSH - Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating System Hangs

PENTIUM - Produces Erroneous Numbers Thru Incorrect Understanding of Mathematics

COBOL - Completely Obsolete Business Oriented Language

AMIGA - A Merely Insignificant Game Addiction

LISP - Lots of Infuriating & Silly Parentheses

MIPS - Meaningless Indication of Processor Speed

WINDOWS - Will Install Needless Data On Whole System

GIRO - Garbage In Rubbish Out

MICROSOFT - Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only Fools Teenagers

Computer Acronyms

PCMCIA - People Can't Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms

BASIC - Bill's Attempt to Seize Industry Control

ISDN - It Still Does Nothing

APPLE - Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity

WWW - World Wide Wait

SCSI - System Can't See It

DOS - Defunct Operating System

IBM - I Blame Microsoft

DEC - Do Expect Cuts

CD-ROM - Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in Months

OS/2 - Obsolete Soon, Too

MACINTOSH - Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating System Hangs

PENTIUM - Produces Erroneous Numbers Thru Incorrect Understanding of Mathematics

COBOL - Completely Obsolete Business Oriented Language

AMIGA - A Merely Insignificant Game Addiction

LISP - Lots of Infuriating & Silly Parentheses

MIPS - Meaningless Indication of Processor Speed

WINDOWS - Will Install Needless Data On Whole System

GIRO - Garbage In Rubbish Out

MICROSOFT - Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only Fools Teenagers

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

ahhaahahahaha... these are AWESOME. Copy & Paste this thread, or e-mail it to myself :P

    ahhaahahahaha... these are AWESOME.  Copy & Paste this thread, or e-mail it to myself 

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

lol! I agree with zaph, those were just too clever! Good find, MrT!

you cant deny that some of those are true... like...

COBOL - Completely Obsolete Business Oriented Language

WINDOWS - Will Install Needless Data On Whole System

and maybe this...

MICROSOFT - Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only Fools Teenagers

:P

HARD DISK GIRLS

she remembers everything, FOREVER

RAM GIRLS

she forget about you, the moment you turn her off

WINDOW GIRLS

everyone know that she can't do a thing right, but no one can live without her.

SCREENSAVER GIRLS

She is good for nothing but at least she is fun

INTERNET GIRLS

Difficult to access

SERVER GIRLS

Always busy when you need her.

MULTIMEDIA GIRLS

She make horrible thing look beautiful

CD-ROM GIRLS

She is always faster and faster.

EMAIL GIRLS

Every ten things she says, eight are nonsense

VIRUS GIRLS

Also known as "wife'' when you are not expecting her, she comes, install herself and uses all your resources. If you try to uninstall her you will lose something, if don't try you uninstall her you will lose everything...