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The 3 bears......

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Baby bear arrives downstairs, sits in his small chair at the table, and he looks into his small bowl - it is empty. "Who's been eating my porridge?" he squeaks.

Daddy Bear arrives at the big table and sits in his big chair. He looks into his big bowl and it is also empty. "Who's been eating my porridge?!?" he roars.

Mummy Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen and yells, "For God's sake, how many times do I have to go through this with you idiots?

It was Mummy Bear who got up first.

It was Mummy Bear who woke everyone in the house.

It was Mummy Bear who made the coffee.

It was Mummy Bear who unloaded the dishwasher from last night and put everything away.

It was Mummy Bear who went out in the cold early morning air to fetch the newspaper and milk.

It was Mummy Bear who set the **** table.

It was Mummy Bear who put the bloody cat out, cleaned the litter box and gave the cat and dog their food and fresh water.

And now that you've decided to drag your sorry bear-asses downstairs and grace Mummy Bear with your grumpy presence, listen carefully, because I'm only going to say this once....



Cheers :D

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A panda walked into a bar. He went up to the bar and said "I'd like a steak and kidney pie and a Coke " so the barman took his order and the panda went to sit down. Soon a waiter brought over his meal. The panda ate it up, thanked and tipped the waiter and paid the bill.

All this seemed pretty normal until the panda pulled out a gun from the depths of his fur, pulled the trigger and BANG! shot the waiter.

The barman came over and said "Wha.. wh.. You just shot my friend!!!"

the panda calmly replied "Do you know what I am?"

"Why yes," the barman answered. "Your a panda."

"Good," the panda nodded "Now go home and look up 'panda' in the dictionary." And with that, the panda walked out of the bar.

The barman was a little unsure, however he was very eager to be enlighted on the subject of his friend's murder, so he went home to find his dictionary.

After a while, he found 'panda' and quickly read the definition:

PANDA:1. A black and white bear native to China. Eats shoots and leaves.

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A young polar bear came into his den and asked his mother, 'Mommy, am I a real polar bear?'

'Of course you are.' His mother replied.

The young polar bear asked his father. 'Dad, am I a real polar bear?'

'Yes, you are a real polar bear.'

A week passed and the young polar bear asked his parents, 'Are grandma and grandpa real polar bears?'

'Yes' said his parents.

Another week passed and the young polar bear asked his parents, 'Are all my relatives real polar bears?'

'Yes, they are all real polar bears.' Said his parents.

'Why do you ask?' replied his mother.

'Because,' said the young polar bear, 'I'm freezing!'

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