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little johnny

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Little Mary Margaret was not the best student in Catholic School.

> Usually she slept through the class. One day her teacher, a Nun,

> called on her while she was sleeping. "Tell me Mary Margaret, who

> created the universe?"

>

> When Mary Margaret didn't stir, little Johnny, her best friend who

> sat behind her took his pencil and jabbed her in the rear.

>

> "God Almighty!" shouted Mary Margaret.

>

> The Nun said, "Very good" and continued teaching her class. A little

> later the nun asked Mary Margaret, "Who is our Lord and savior?"

>

> But she didn't stir from her slumber. Again, little Johnny came to

> her rescue and stuck Mary Margaret in the butt.

>

> "Jesus Christ!" shouted Mary Margaret and the Nun once again said,

> "Very good" and Mary Margaret fell back asleep.

>

> Later, the Nun asked her a third question. "What did Eve say to Adam

> after she had her twenty-third child?"

>

> Once again, Johnny came to the rescue.

>

>

> This time Mary Margaret jumped up and shouted, "If you stick that

> **** thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!"

>

> The Nun fainted.

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little jonny goes to the bank

Lil' Johnny's mother took her 6 year old son with her to the

bank. They were in line behind a rather obese lady. As the

mother patiently waited, Lil' Johnny looked at the women in

front of him and observed loudly, "Hey, Mom, she's really fat."

The lady looked at Johnny, made eye contact with his mother and

gave an understanding smile. Lil' Johnny received a reprimand.

After a minute or two, Lil' Johnny spread his hands as far as

they will go and loudly said, "I bet her butt is 'that'

wide." At this the lady glared at Johnny. His embarrassed mother

severely scolds her son.

Again after a couple of minutes Lil' Johnny stated loudly, "Look

how the fat hangs over her belt."

The lady turned and told Johnny's mother to control her child

and his mother threatened him with severe bodily harm. The

lady's pager begins to go off.

Lil' Johnny yelled in a panic at the top of his voice, "Run for

your life, she's backing up"

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Little Jonny is sitting in his math class when the teacher asks a question.

"If you have three birds pearched on a wire and a hunter shoots one with a rifle how many will be left?"

Little jonny raises his hand and answers "Zero"

The teacher replied "No, want to try again?"

Jonny "Nope...it's still zero. The birds would hear the sound of the rifle and fly away."

The teacher replied "Well Jonny I was looking for two as the answer one minus three is two...but I like the way you think."

Later that day while at reeses Jonny flags down the teacher and points at three ladies sitting at a park bench.

"Hey teach there are three women sitting on that bench eating icecream one is biting her's, one is licking hers and the other is sucking on it. Which one is not married?"

The teacher looks at the three, thinks about it a while and replies "The one sucking on hers."

Little Jonny looks up at her teacher and says "No, it's the one without a wedding ring...but I like the way you think."

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AN LASD DEPUTY TOLD ME THIS JOKE!!

A primary school teacher decided to see how many of the city kids knew what sounds farm animals made. She asked the kids to put their hands up if they knew the correct sound.

"Who knows what sound a cow makes?" she asked.

Cindie put her hand up and said "Moo!"

"Very good" replied the teacher, "what sound do sheep make?"

"Baa" answered Jimmy.

She continued this for a while.

Then she asked, "What sound does a pig make?"

All the hands in the class went up. She was surprised at the response. She chose Little Johnny at the back of the class. He stood up, took a deep breath, and screamed, "Up against the wall mutha-fu(ka!!"

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One day at at a catholic elementary school, the nun asks everyone to tell the class what their mother does. Some say stay at home mom, some say businesswoman, but when it comes to little jonny he says

"my mommy is a prostitute"

Of course the nun is shocked by the answer and is utterly speachless for a few minutes, finally she asks jonny "what did you just say young man!?!"

"I said my mommy is a prostitute"

The nun is visably relieved and says "oh I thought you said she was a protestant".

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Five year old Little Johnny was lost, so he went up to a policeman and said, "I've lost my dad!"

The policeman said, "What's he like?"

Little Johnny replied, "Beer and women!"

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Little Johnny applied for a salesman's job at a big department store. In fact it was the biggest store in the world - you could get anything there.

The boss asked him, 'Have you ever been a salesman before?' 'No, this is my first job,' said the lad, but the boss liked the cut of him and said, 'You can start tomorrow and I'll come and see you when we close up.'

The day was long and arduous for the young man, but finally 5 o'clock came around. The boss duly fronted up and asked, 'How many sales did you make today?' 'One,' said the young salesman. 'Only one?' blurted the boss, 'Most of my staff make 20 or 30 sales a day. How much was the sale worth??' 'Three hundred thousand, three hundred and thirty four dollars.' said Little Johnny.

'How did you manage that?' asked the flabbergasted boss. 'Well,' said Little Johnny, 'this man came in and I sold him a small fish hook, then a medium hook and finally a really large hook. Then I sold him a small fishing line, a medium one and a huge big one. I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast. I said he would probably need a boat, so I took him down to the boat department and sold him that twenty foot schooner with the twin engines. Then he said his Volkswagen probably wouldn't be able to pull it, so I took him to the car department and sold him the new Deluxe Cruiser.'

The boss took two steps back and asked in astonishment, 'You sold all that to a guy who came in for a fish hook?' 'No.' answered Little Johnny, 'He came in to buy a box of Tampons for his wife so I said to him, 'Well, your weekend's screwed - you might as well go fishing.' '

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