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Ah! The Wisdom of Children


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HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHOM TO MARRY? (Written by kids)

You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming. -- Alan, age 10

No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with. -- Kristen, age 10

WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?

Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then. -- Camille, age 10

No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married. -- Freddie, age 6 (very wise for his age)

HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?

You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids. -- Derrick, age 8

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?

Both don't want any more kids. -- Lori, age 8

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?

Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough. -- Lynnette, age 8 (isn't she a treasure)

On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date. -- Martin, age 10

WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?

I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns. -- Craig, age 9

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?

When they're rich. -- Pam, age 7

The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that - - Curt, age 7

The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do. -- Howard, age 8

IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?

I don't know which is better, but I'll tell you one thing. I'm never going to have sex with my wife. I don't want to be all grossed out. -- Theodore, age 8

It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them. -- Anita, age 9 (bless you child)

HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?

There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there? -- Kelvin, age 8

And the #1 Favorite is.......

HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?

Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck. -- Ricky, age 10

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Cheers :P

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  • 2 weeks later...

TEACHER : Why are you late?

BALGOBIN : Because of the sign.

TEACHER : What sign?

BALGOBIN : The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."

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TEACHER : Balgobin, why are you doing your math sums on the floor?

BALGOBIN : You told me to do it without using tables!

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TEACHER : What is the chemical formula for water?

BALGOBIN : "HIJKLMNO! "!!

TEACHER : What are you talking about?

BALGOBIN : Yesterday you said it's H to O!

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TEACHER : Balgobin, go to the map and find North America.

BALGOBIN : Here it is!

TEACHER : Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?

CLASS : Balgobin!

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TEACHER : Balgobin, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.

BALGOBIN : Me!

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TEACHER : How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?

BALGOBIN : Don't bite any.

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TEACHER : Balgobin, give me a sentence starting with "I".

BALGOBIN : I is...

TEACHER : No, Balgobin. Always say, "I am."

BALGOBIN : All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."

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TEACHER : "Can anybody give an example of "COINCIDENCE?"

BALGOBIN : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same time."

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TEACHER : "George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree,

but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish him?"

BALGOBIN : "Because George still had the axe in his hand?"

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TEACHER : Wh! at a pair of strange socks you arewearing, one is green and one is blue with red spots!

BALGOBIN : Yes it's really strange. I've got another pair just like that at home.

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TEACHER : Now, children, if I saw a man beating adonkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?

BALGOBIN : Brotherly love?

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TEACHER : Now, Balgobin, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?

BALGOBIN : No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.

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TEACHER : Balgobin, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Di! d you copy his?

BALGOBIN : No, teacher, it's the same dog!

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TEACHER : What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?

BALGOBIN : A teacher

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  • 4 weeks later...

BOY : May I hold your hand?

GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy.

GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me!

BOY : You love me...

GIRL : If we become engaged will you give me a ring??

BOY : Sure, what's your phone number??

GIRL : I think the poorest people are the happiest.

BOY : Then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple

GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever.

BOY : Don't you ever want to improve??

BOY : I love you and I could die for you!

GIRL : How soon??

BOY : I would go to the end of the world for you!

GIRL : Yes, but would you stay there??

SHARON : Have you ever had a hot passionate, burning kiss??

TRACY : I did once. He'd forgotten to take the cigarette out of his mouth.

MAN : You remind me of the sea.

WOMAN : Because I'm wild, romantic and exciting?

MAN : NO, because you make me sick.

WIFE : You tell a man something, it goes in one ear and comes out of the other.

HUSBAND : You tell a woman something: It goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth.

MARY : John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly.What do u think, Peter?

PETER : A bit of both. I think you're pretty ugly.

Girlfriend : "...And are you sure you love me and no one else ?"

Boyfriend : "Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday".

Teacher : "Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?"

Pupil : "The moon".

Teacher : "Why?"

Pupil : "The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives us light only in the day time when we don't need it".

Teacher : "What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?"

Pupil : "A teacher".

Waiter : "Would you like your coffee black?"

Customer : "What other colors do you have?"

My father is so old that when he was in school, history was called current affairs.

Teacher : "Sam, you talk a lot !"

Sam : "It's a family tradition".

Teacher : "What do you mean?"

Sam : "Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher".

Teacher : "What about your mother?"

Sam : "She's a woman".

Tom : "How should I convey the news to my father that I've failed?"

David: "You just send a telegram: Result declared, past year's performance repeated".

Patient : "What are the chances of my recovering doctor?"

Doctor : "One hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of ten people die of the disease you have. Yours is the tenth case I've treated. The others all died".

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TEACHER: How old were you on your last birthday?

STUDENT: Seven.

TEACHER: How old will you be on your next birthday?

STUDENT: Nine.

TEACHER: That's impossible.

STUDENT: No, it isn't, Teacher. I'm eight today.

TEACHER: In this box, I have a 10-foot snake.

SAMMY: You can't fool me, Teacher... snakes don't have feet.

MOTHER: Why on earth did you swallow the money I gave you?

JUNIOR: You said it was my lunch money.

TEACHER: If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the other, what would I have?

CLASS CLOWN: Big hands!

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A mother was teaching his son how to behave himself at school.

Mother: If anybody gives you something, say "Thank You."

Boy : Yes, mother.

Back from school, the boy was crying.

Mother: Why are you crying?

Boy : Because my friend boxed me.

Mother: So what did you do?

Boy : I said "Thank You".

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Nurse: Boy tell me if you can't see. You will need a pair of glasses.

Boy : It's not that.

Nurse: Then what? You have been sitting here for more than half an hour.

Boy : Nurse, I can't read!

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Mother: Why are you standing under the sun for?

John : I am trying to dry the sweat off my body.

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Benny : (yawning) I've not been sleeping for days!

Teacher : Why?

Benny : (yawning) I sleep at night.

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  • 3 months later...

One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class.

She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer.

She read, ".... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!"

The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that farmer said?"

One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think he said: 'Holy s***! A talking chicken!'"

The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes

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A young man goes into a pharmacy and says to the pharmacist, "Hello, could you give me condom. I'm going to my girlfriend's place for dinner and I think I may be in with a chance!"

The pharmacist gives him the condom and the young man leaves. He soon returns and says, "Give me another condom because my girlfriend's sister is very cute too. She always crosses her legs in a provocative manner when she sees me and I think I might strike it lucky there too."

The pharmacist gives him a second condom and as the boy is leaving he turns back and says,"Go on, give me one more condom because my girlfriend's mum is still pretty cute and when she sees me she always makes eyes, and since she invited me for dinner, think she is expecting me to make a move!

During dinner, the young man is sitting with his girlfriend on his left, the sister on his right and the mum facing him.

When the dad gets there, the boy lowers his head and starts praying, "Dear Lord, bless this dinner and thank you for all you give us."

A minute later the boy is still praying; "Thank you Lord for your kindness."

Ten minutes go by and the boy is still praying, keeping his head down.

The others look at each other surprised and his girlfriend is even more surprised than the others. She gets close to the boy and says in his ear, "I didn't know you were so religious."

The boy replies, "I didn't know your dad was a pharmacist!"

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HAROLD : Teacher, would you punish me for something I didn't do?

TEACHER : Of course not.

HAROLD : Good, because I didn't do my homework.

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A young man was walking past a blind woman using a cane on a street corner downtown, when she said, "Excuse me, but if it's not too much trouble, can you see me across the street?"

Our good samaritan replied, "Just a minute." He walked across the street, looked back and yelled, "Yes, I can see you fine!"

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"One day one of my little nephews came up to me and asked me if the equator was a real line that went around the Earth, or just an imaginary one. I had to laugh. Laugh and laugh. Because I didn't know, and I thought that maybe by laughing he would forget what he asked me."

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  • 5 months later...

A new teacher is trying to make use of her Psychology courses. She starts her class by saying, Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up."

After a few seconds, little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Johnny?"

No, ma'am," he says, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself."

________________________________________

Little Johnny, feeling dejected, goes out to the garden to get away from it all. When his mother finds him, she sees that he is

slowly eating a worm.

She turns pale. "No! Stop! That's horrible! You can't eat worms!"

"Why not?" he asks.

"For one thing, the mother worm will be looking all over for her baby worm, and that would be a cruel thing to do to her."

"No, she won't," says Little Johnny.

"How do you know she won't?" asks his mother.

"I ate her first."

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The teacher asked little Johnny if he knows his numbers.

"Yes," he said. "I do. My father taught me."

"Good. What comes after three."

"Four," answers the boy.

"What comes after six?"

"Seven."

"Very good," says the teacher. "Your dad did a good job, what comes after ten?"

"A jack," says the kid.

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Little Johnny's mother was having difficulty eating the birthday cake he had made for her as a surprise. She couldn't put her finger on what exactly it was, but there certainly was a strange flavor in the cake.

When, finally, she finished, Little Johnny happily exclaimed, "I'm so glad you liked it, Mom. And I'm sorry you didn't have any candles to blow out. There should have been 32 on the cake, but when I took it out of the oven, they were all gone!"

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Little Johnny was sitting on a park bench, eating one candy bar after another. After he had consumed his sixth candy bar, the old gentleman sitting across the bike path from him said, "Son, if you keep eating candy bars like that you're going to get acne, have rotten teeth and get fat."

Little Johnny replied, "My grand-dad lived to be 107 years old."

The old gentleman said, "Did he eat candy bars like that?"

"No," said Little Johnny, " He minded his own **** business!!"

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Little Johnny was sitting in class one day. On this particular day, the teacher wanted to ask her class which part of the body went to heaven first.

One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think your mind goes to heaven first because you have to have a mind in order to believe in God."

The teacher praises the little girl as a little boy raises his hand. He says, "I think your heart goes to heaven first because

God is all about love."

"Very good," said the teacher. The teacher looked up and saw Little Johnny's hand up. "Oh no," she thought, "I'm not gonna like this. "Little Johnny, which part of the body do you think goes to heaven first?"

Little Johnny thinks for a minute and says, "Your feet." The teacher asked him why he thought your feet go to heaven first.

Well, last night and my mom had her feet up in the air and she said, 'Oh God, I'm coming!', but fortunately Dad was on top of her holding her down."

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Ten year old Johnny rushes home from school. He invades the fridge and is scooping out some cherry vanilla ice cream...when his mother enters the kitchen.

She says, "Put that away Johnny. You can't have ice cream now. It's too close to supper time. Go outside and play."

Johnny whimpers and says, "There's no one to play with."

Trying to placate him, she says, "OK. I'll play with you. What do you want to play?"

He says, "I wanna play Mommie and Daddy."

Trying not to register surprise, and to further appease him, she says, "Fine, I'll play. What do I do?"

Johnny says, "You go up to the bedroom and lie down."

Figuring that she can easily control the situation...Mom goes upstairs. Johnny, feeling a bit cocky, swaggers down the hall and opens the utility closet. He dons his fathers old fishing hat. As he starts up the stairs he notices a cigarette butt in the ashtray on the end table. He picks it up and slips it in the corner of his mouth. At the top of the stairs he moves to the bedroom doorway.

His mother raises up and says, "What do I do now?"

In a gruff manner, Johnny says, "Get your butt downstairs and get that kid some ice cream!"

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A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family.

She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"

The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."

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  • 3 weeks later...

Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?"

When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear.

"God Almighty !" shouted Mary and the teacher said, "Very good" and Mary fell back asleep.

A while later the teacher asked Mary, "Who is our Lord and Savior?" But, Mary didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again.

"Jesus Christ!" shouted Mary and the teacher said, "Very good," and Mary fell back asleep.

Then the teacher asked Mary a third question. "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?"

And again, Johnny Jabbed her with the pin.This time Mary jumped up and shouted, "If you stick that **** thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!"

The Teacher fainted.

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  • 2 months later...

A baby was born so advanced in development he could talk. He looked around the delivery room and saw the doctor. "Are you my doctor?" he asked.

"Why,yes, I am," said the doctor.

The baby said, "Thank you for taking such good care of me during the birth."

He looked at his mother and asked, "Are you my mother?"

"Yes, dear, I am," said the mother, beaming.

"Thank you for taking such good care of me before I was born," he said.

He then looked at his father and asked, "Are you my father?"

"Yes, I am," his father proudly answered. The baby motioned him closer, then poked him repeatedly on the forehead with his index finger. "Hurts, doesn't it!?"

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