Jump to content
Monkey Proof

blonde jokes

Recommended Posts

a police officer stops a blonde for speeding and ask's her nicely if he could see her license. she replied in a huff, " i wish you guys get your act together. just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you".

a blonde called the police to report that thieves had been in her car. "they've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the gas pedal" she cried out.

however, before the investigation could begin, the phone rang a second time and the same voice came over the line "nevermind, i got in the back seat by accident"

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

a blonde called the police to report that thieves had been in her car. "they've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the gas pedal" she cried out.

however, before the investigation could begin, the phone rang a second time and the same voice came over the line "nevermind, i got in the back seat by accident"

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

rofl.gif:dunce:

That one had me rolling around for a while, not just typical blonde but, dare I say it, typical female?

Cheers :angry:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

:dunce:

That one had me rolling around for a while, not just typical blonde but, dare I say it, typical female?

Cheers :angry:

Are you saying their place is in the back seat? *Snicker* (Joking of course)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

rofl.gif:dunce:

That one had me rolling around for a while, not just typical blonde but, dare I say it, typical female?

Cheers :angry:

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

you should see what i encounter while working shift. makes me wonder sometimes

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Are you saying their place is in the back seat?  *Snicker*  (Joking of course)

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Nah, safer in the front seat, at least that way you can see when you're about to get clobbered :dunce:

Cheers :angry:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Blonde Joke

A girl came skipping home from school one day. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled,

"we were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four,

but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10!"

"Very good," said her mother.

"Is it because I'm blonde?" the girl said.

"Yes, it's because you're blonde," said the mommy.

The next day the girl came skipping home from school. "Mommy, Mommy," she

yelled, "we were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could

only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A, B, C, D, E, F, G!"

"Very good," said her mother.

"Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?"

"Yes, it's because you're blonde."

The next day the girl came skipping home from school. "Mommy, Mommy," she

yelled, "we were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the other

girls had flat chests, but I have these!" lifting her tank top to

reveal a wonderful pair of C-cuppers.

"Errm, very good, dear," said her embarrassed mother.

"Is it because I'm blonde, mommy?"

"No Honey, it's because you're 24...."

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

a blondes bmw is towed into the garage and she tells the mechanic that it died. after he worked on it for a few minutes, its idling soothly.

she says "whats the story" he repiles "just crap in the carburator."

she asks, "and how ofton do i have to do that?"

a blonde was playing trivial pursuit on night, it was her turn to roll the dice. so she rolls the dice and landed on science and nature. her question was " if you are in a vacuem and someone called your name, can you hear it?" she thought for a minute and then asked "is it on or off?

two girlfriends were speeding down a highway at well over 100mph. "hey" asked the brunette at the wheel, "see any cops following behind us?" the blonde turns around for a long look. "as a matter of fact i do." "oh, nooo" yelled the brunette. "are his flashers on?" the blonde turns around again "yup...nope...yup...nope...yup...nope"

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

A blonde walks into a bank and asks to see someone about a loan.

She is directed to the vice-president of the loan office.

VP, "What can I do for you?"

Blonde, "I'd like to borrow $5,000 dollars for one month. How much will that cost me?"

VP, "If you have good collateral it will cost you $500."

Blonde, "Is this good enough?" and she hands him a set of keys.

VP, "What are these for?"

Blonde, "They are the keys to my Rolls." and points out the window to a new Rolls-Royce. "I trust you have a safe place to put it until I return your money."

VP, "Yes, this is great collateral and we have a large, secure storage building we can park the car in." and gets the blonde her money.

Thirty days later, the blonde returns to the bank and pays off her loan in full.

Vp, "If you don't mind me asking, why would want to borrow $5,000 dollars if you can afford a Rolls-Royce?"

Blonde, " Because I was flying out of town on vacation and every place I went to that stores cars wanted $300 dollars a week to keep my Rolls." :eyeroll:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Q1:how can you tell of a blonde has been on the computer?

A:theres whiteout on the screen

Q2:how can you tell of another blonde's been on the computer?

A:becouse theres writing on the whiteout

Q:why should blondes not be giving coffee breakes?

A:takes too long to retrain them

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

a blonde was shopping and came across a silver thermos. she was quite fascinated by it, so she picked it up and brought it over to the clerk to ask what it was.

"that's a thermos," the clerk said. "it keeps some things hot and some things cold."

"wow," said the blonde. "thats amazing. i'm going to buy it!'

so she bought the thermos and took it to work with her the next day. her boss saw it on her desk

"what do you have there?" he asked.

"why, thats a thermos. it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold," she replied.

her boss inquired, "what do you have in it?"

the blonde replied, "two popsicles and some coffee"

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

A painting contractor was speaking with a woman about her job. In the first room she said she would like a pale blue. The contractor wrote this down and went to the window, opened it, and yelled out "GREEN SIDE UP!" In the second room she told the painter she would like it painted in a soft yellow. He wrote this on his pad, walked to the window, opened it, and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!" The lady was somewhat curious but she said nothing. In the third room she said she would like it painted a warm rose color. The painter wrote this down, walked to the window, opened it and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!"

The lady then asked him, "Why do you keep yelling 'green side up'?"

"I'm sorry," came the reply. "But I have a crew of blondes laying sod across the street.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"

The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The mans wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"

The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.

"Youre finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "thats not a Porch, its a Ferrari."

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Blonde Trees:

A State Trooper pulls a car over on a lonely back road and approaches the blonde lady driver.

"Mam, is there a reason that you're weaving all over the road"?

The woman replied, "Oh officer, thank goodness you're here!! I almost had an accident! I looked up and there was a tree right in front of me. I swerved to the left and there was another tree in front of me. I swerved to the right and there was another tree in front of me!"

Reaching through the side window to the rear view mirror, the officer replied, "Ma'am... that's your air freshener."

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

A man was out mowing his yard when he noticed his new neighbor (blonde gal) going to her mail box every five minutes..Finally the man had to ask her why she was running to her mailbox every 5 minutes when the mail had already been delivered ..she replied

Well, everytime I went into my house my computer kept saying YOU'VE GOT MAIL..

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

The brand new blonde waitress ~

A trucker came into a truck stop cafe and placed his order. He said, "I

want three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards."

The brand new blonde waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, went to the

kitchen and said to the cook, "This guy out there just ordered three

flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards. What does he think this place is an auto parts store?"

"No," the cook said. "Three flat tires mean three pancakes, a pair of

headlights is two eggs sunny side up, and running boards are 2 slices of

crisp bacon." "Oh, OK!" said the blonde. She thought about it for a moment and then spooned up a bowl of beans and gave it to the customer.

The trucker asked, "What are the beans for Blondie?" She replied, "I thought while you were waiting for the flat tires, headlights and running boards, you might as well gas up!"

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

This one is a stupid blonde joke...

A blonde gal just got hired as a quality control manager in the M&M factory.

Two weeks later she got fired for throwing away all the W's.... :realmad:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...

×
×
  • Create New...