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blonde jokes

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This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart.

While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand.

Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time. He goes over and asks her if she is ok. She replies yes.

He asks what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house. He then asks her why she has a ski jacket over her fur coat. She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and they said....


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A blonde is terribly overweight, so her doctor put her on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least 5 pounds." When the blonde returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 40 pounds. "Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow my instructions?" The blonde nodded... "I'll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that 3rd day." "From hunger, you mean?", asked the doctor." No, from skipping."

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I knew a blonde... these are what she did...

- she called me to get my phone number.

- she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said "concentrate."

- she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.

- she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.

- she tried to drown a fish.

- she tripped over a cordless phone.

- she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

- she studied for a blood test.

- when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.

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Bowling Team

Two bowling teams, one of all Blondes and one of all Brunettes, charter a double-decker bus for a weekend bowling tournament in Atlantic City.

The Brunette team rides on the bottom of the bus. The Blonde team rides on the top level.

The Brunette team down below is whooping it up having a great time, when one of them realizes she doesn't hear anything from the Blondes upstairs.

She decides to get up and investigate. When the Brunette reaches the top, she finds all the Blondes frozen in fear, staring straight-ahead at the road, and clutching the seats

in front of them with white knuckles.

The brunette asks, "What the heck's going on up here? We're having a great time downstairs!"

One of the Blondes looks up at her, swallows hard and says, "YEAH, BUT YOU'VE GOT A DRIVER!".

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I urgently needed a few days holiday, but because I never had any leave due to me, I knew the Boss would not allow me to take a few days leave. I thought that maybe if I acted "Mad" then he would tell me to take a few days off.

So I hung upside down on the ceiling and made funny noises. My co-worker (who's blonde) asked me what I was doing?

I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb so that the Boss would think I was "Mad" and give me a few days off. A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked "What are you doing?"

I told him I was a light bulb. He said "You are mad - take a few days off". I jumped down and walked out of the office. When my co-worker (the blonde) followed me, the Boss asked her "...And where are you going?"

She said "I can't work in the dark !!!!"

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  • 2 months later...


A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and

was pulled over by a woman police officer who was also a blonde.

The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through

her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.

"What does it look like?" the driver finally asked.

The policewoman replied, "It's square and it has your picture on it."

The driver finally found a square mirror, looked at it and handed it to

the policewoman.

"Here it is," she said.

The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back, "Okay, you

can go. I didn't realize you were a cop."

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Blonde Diary:


Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.


Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels. Helllloooo!!! bottles won't fit in typewriter!


Got really excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months.....box said "2-4 years!"


Trapped on an escalator for hours.....power went out!


Tried to make Kool-Aid....wrong instructions....8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!


Tried to go water skiing.....couldn't find a lake with a slope.


Lost breast stroke swimming competition.....learned later, the other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!


Got locked out of my car in rain storm.....car swamped because soft-top was open.


The capital of California is "C".....isn't it?


Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days.....instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108 lbs!


Couldn't call 911....."duh".....there's no "eleven" button on the stupid phone!

What a year!!

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  • 7 months later...

There's a Mexican, a Chinese guy, and a blonde, and they work as window washers on the Empire State Building. One day they're washing, and its time to go to lunch. They decided to eat their lunch right there, hanging from the highest floor.

The Mexican opens his lunch box and pulls out a burrito. He says if I get one more burrito for lunch, I am jumping off!

The Chinese guy opens his lunch box, and pulls out an egg roll. He says if I get an egg roll one more time for lunch, I'm jumping off!

The blonde opens his lunch, its bolgna and cheese, and says, next time I get bologna and cheese I'm jumping off!

Next day comes, the Mexican opens his pail, and finds another burrito, so he jumps off. The Chinese guy pulls out an egg roll, so he jumps from the building. The blonde finds bologna and cheese, and he too jumps off the building.

These men were best friends, so the funeral was for all three of them. Friends came up to the Mexican's wife to comfort her, she said, if I knew he didn't like burritos so much, I would've packed him something else. The same happened with the Chinese guy's wife. Then they went to comfort the blonde guys wife, she wasn't crying at all. So they asked her why she wasn't crying, her husband had just died. And she replied, I have nothing to cry about he packs his own lunches!

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A blonde walks into a library and says, "Can I have a burger and fries?"

The librarian says, "I'm sorry, this is a library."

So the blonde whispers, "Can I have a burger and fries?"

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