Comedy Club

Each Friday night after work, Bubba would fire up his outdoor grill and cook a venison steak. But, all of Bubba's neighbors were Catholic....And since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating meat on Friday. The delicious aroma from the grilled venison steaks was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they were finally talked to their priest. The Priest came to visit Bubba, and suggested that he become a Catholic. After several classes and much study, Bubba attended Mass, and as the priest sprinkled holy water over him, he said, "You were born a Baptist, and raised a Baptist, but now you are a Catholic." Bubba's neighbors were greatly relieved, until Fr…

In pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name. For example, the trade name of Tylenol also has a generic name of Acetaminophen. Aleve is also called Naproxen. Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen. The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin. Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin. Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola …

Mr. Smith owned a small business. He had two employees, Sarah and Jack. They were both extremely good employees - always willing to work overtime and chip in where needed. Mr. Smith was looking over his books one day and decided that he wasn't making enough money to warrant two employees and he would have to lay one off. But both Sarah and Jack were such good workers he was having trouble finding a fair way to do it. He decided that he would watch them work and the first one to take a break would be the one he would lay off. So, he sat in his office and watched them work. Suddenly, Sarah gets a terrible headache and needs to take an aspirin. She gets the aspirin out…

After getting all of Pope John Paul's luggage loaded into the limo, the driver notices that the Pope is still standing on the curb. "Excuse me, Your Holiness," says the driver, "Would you please take your seat so we can leave?" "Well, to tell you the truth," says the Pope, "they never let me drive at the Vatican, and I'd really like to drive today." "I'm sorry but I cannot let you do that. I'd lose my job! And what if something should happen?" protests the driver, wishing he'd never gone to work that morning. "There might be something extra in it for you," says the Pope. Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the wheel. The driver quic…

Are you "Cool"? Take the test and see. Cool Person Test

Tennessee Women Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had given their new wives duties. The first man had married a Woman from Colorado and had told her that she was going to do dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple days, but on the third day he came home to a clean house and dishes washed and put away. The second man had married a woman from Texas. He had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes, and the cooking. The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done, and there was a huge dinner on the table. T…

Rather funny (and dangerous) incident during the Criterium International 1997: Horse on the course :happybday:

Bruce Schneier is a cryptographer and computer security specialist. He is one of the most famous people in cryptography and computer security. A genius guy. There is a geeky humor website about Bruce Schneier, with Chuck Norris-style jokes. Great site for those who know who Bruce Schneier is or have an interest in cryptography. http://geekz.co.uk/schneierfacts/ I guess not everybody here will get the jokes, you kinda have to be a bit of a geek. It's good to know about cryptography, computer science, computer security, math, physics, etc to get the jokes. Some random exempts; * Bruce Schneier has already solved the Goldbach Conjecture. He just enjoys watc…

Just Another BUBBA story... Bubba liked to frequent the old swimming hole but was never able to attract the girls. He decided to ask his friend Billy-Bob for advice. "It's those big baggy swimming trunks that make you look like an old fool... They're years outta style. Your best bet is to grab yourself a pair of Speedos-about two sizes too little and drop a fist-sized tater down inside them. I'm telling ya man.....you'll have all the babes you want!" The following weekend, Bubba hits the swimming hole with his spanking new tight Speedos, and his fist-sized potato. Everybody at the swimming hole was disgusted as he walked by, covering their faces, turnin…

Well Guys, I'm back! Once again to further my cause, that of changing the world to the best operating system on the planet, MacOSX! Read on... http://www.twincities.com/mld/twincities/living/16555680.htm Glade =)

This just in.......police are asking everyone to be on the look-out for this rape susp.......UH-OH.

Is it just me, or does anyone else hear bango music? accident

Ole is a farmer in Minnesota. He is in need of a new milk cow and hears about a nice one for sale over in Nordakota (that would be 'North Dakota' for you non-Scandanavians out there). He drives to Nordakota, finds the farm and takes a look at the cow. Then he reaches under to see if she gives milk. When he grabs the teat and pulls.... the cow farts. Ole pauses, looks at the farmer who is selling the cow, and reaches under the cow to try again. He grabs another teat and pulls... and the cow farts again. Milk does come out however, so after a brief negotiation with the cow's current owner, Ole decides to buy the cow and take it home. When he gets back to …

The proper procedure for loading and firing a light field artillery piece..........NOT. BOOM

Taliban Hunt

I will seek and find you . I shall take you to bed and have my way with you . I will make you ache, shake & sweat until you moan & groan. I will make you beg for mercy, beg for me to stop. I will exhaust you to the point that you will be relieved when I'm finished with you. And, when I am finished, you will be weak for days. All my love, The Flu Now, get your mind out of the gutter and go get your flu shot. :happybday:

http://www.danicico.rdsor.ro/babies.html

Ghost Story #1 When I was young, I lived in a deserted kampong deep in the jungle. Every night, my mother would ask me not to go home too late as there won't be any transportation after a certain time. One night, before going home, I bought a packet of noodle soup for supper. I was late and I waited for the taxi/bus but there was none. I was getting worried as the night was getting darker and darker. So I tried to flag down private vehicles to take me home. There was no one stopping for me, till one motorcyclist took compensation on me and stopped to give me a lift. He was a man with a kind face. I accepted his offer and got onto his motorbike. On the way home, we woul…

A Christmas Story 'Twas the night before Christmas--Old Santa was p***ed. He cussed out the elves and threw down his list. Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks. I have a good mind to scrap the whole works! I've busted my a** for **** near a year, Instead of "Thanks Santa"--what do I hear? The old lady bitches cause I work late at night. The elves want more money--The reindeer all fight. Rudolph got drunk and goosed all the maids. Donner is pregnant and Vixen has AIDS. And just when I thought that things would get better Those as****** from the IRS sent me …

Sounds like something that came outta Oak Ridge Labs in Tenn. Weird Deer

OK....this one will NOT be on my Christmas shopping list. OHMIBOD

TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS, AND ALL THROUGH THE SHACK, NOT A DARN THING WAS A MOVIN', CEP'N THOSE COONS OUT IN BACK. THE KIDS WERE IN BED, WE HAD NINE AT THE TIME, IN HER CURLERS AND CAMMIES, THE WIFE LOOKED REAL FINE. A COLD WIND WAS BLOWIN', UP THE HOLLER IT MOANED, TEN DOGS ON THE FRONT PORCH HOWLED AND THEN GROANED. THE BOYS WERE ALL DREAMIN' OF WEAPONS AND GUNS, FOR KILIN' GOD'S CREATURES,....... THERE'S NO BETTER FUN! THE GIRLS IN THEIR FEMININE DREAMS DID ASSUME, THEY'D BE GETTING THOSE GALLONS OF WAL-MART PERFUME. THE WIFE WANTED JEWELRY, LIKE RINGS WITH BIG ROCKS. I JUST WANTED MY PICKUP DOWN OFF'N THEM BLOCKS. THEN OUT IN…

EXCERPTS FROM A DOG'S DIARY Monday 8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVOURITE! 9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVOURITE! 9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVOURITE! 10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVOURITE! 11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVOURITE! 12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVOURITE! 1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVOURITE! 4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVOURITE! 5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVOURITE! 5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVOURITE! Tuesday 8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVOURITE! 9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVOURITE! 9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVOURITE! 10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVOURITE! 11:30 am - OH B…

Two women friends had gone out for a Girls Night Out and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails. Incredibly drunk and walking home they suddenly realized they both needed to pee. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone or something. The first woman had nothing to wipe with so she took off her panties, used them and threw them away. Her friend however was wearing an expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin hers, but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on a grave and proceeded to wipe herself with it. After finishing, they made their way home. The next day the …