Comedy Club

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TEQUILA FOR MI AMOR A Mexican is strolling down the street in Mexico City and kicks a bottle lying in the street. Suddenly out of the bottle comes a Genie. The Mexican is stunned. The Genie says,"Hello Master,I will grant you one wish, anything you want." The Mexican begins thinking, "Well, I really like drinking tequila." Finally the Mexican says, "I wish to drink tequila whenever I want,so make me pee tequila." The Genie grants him his wish. When the Mexican gets home,he gets a glass out of the cupboard and pees in it. He looks at the glass and it's clear...looks like tequila. Then smells the liquid... smells like tequila. So he takes a taste,…

Ok....I've cleaned this up as much as possible. A hitchhiker is picked up by a trucker. They are going down the road when something comes flying out of the back of the truck cab, scaring the hitchhiker. He looks up and sees a monkey sitting on the dash. "What in the HELL is that thing doing in here?", yells the hitchhiker. "That's my traveling buddy.", says the trucker. "Why would you let a smelly monkey ride in your truck?", asks the hitchhiker. "Just watch this.", says the trucker as he reaches out and slaps the monkey off of the dash. The monkey crawls up between the trucker's legs, unzips his pants, and preforms an oral sex act on the trucker. When he is finn…

ok you have to do this funny as hell post what you get i got i turned a pimp for a cherry flavored condom take the first letter in your first name: A-i f*cked B-i have C-i need D-i sucked E-i gave head too F-i got wet n wild G-i tasted H-i played I-i swallowed down J-i blew K-i got down and dirty with L-i loved M-i hated N-i was desperate O-i ordered P-i partied with Q-i had a quicky with R-i got rowdy with S-i sold T-i turned on U-i i gave birth to V-i stripped for W-i stripped for X-i gave hand to Y-i aroused take the first letter in your last name: A-a hobo B-a male stripper C-a cat D-a pencil E-a naked statue F-a fire …

Women are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. Most men don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they sometimes take the apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy. The apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they're amazing. They just have to wait for the right man to come along, the one who is brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree. Now Men.... Men are like a fine wine. They begin as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the stuffing out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner …

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, "Harry, what's your problem?" Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!" Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office. While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed. Harry was brought in and the conditions were exp…

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front him. He appears deep in thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of coffee. "What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room. "Why are you down here at this time of night?" The husband looks up, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 17?" he asks solemnly. The wife is touched thinking her husband is so caring and sensitive. "Yes, I do" and pauses. The words are n…

Just be glad you are not a chicken in this life, people eat you before you are born and after you die :hug:

A woman meets a gorgeous man in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together. They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment, she notices that his bedroom is completely packed with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears. There are three shelves on one of the bedroom walls, with hundreds and hundreds of cute, cuddly teddy bears, carefully placed in rows, covering the entire wall! It's obvious that he's taken quite some time to lovingly arrange them and she's immediately touched by the amount of thought he's put into organizing the display. There are small bears all along the bottom shelf, medium-sized bears covering the length…

mine was a blind date at a mexican resturant. her being nearly half an hour late should've clued me in. she said she was late becouse she didn'nt now how to parellel park and had to find a parking spot. blondes right? so anyways it didnt take long for me to figure out that she was dumber then a rusty door knob sitting on a stump. i was getting irrated becouse i kept having to explain everything to her, and her laugh was more like a squeel. so when the ticket came i put down the money to pay for everything and decided to ditch her. i told her that i was going to the bathroom so i get up and left. when i got outside i started to run to my car becouse i didnt want her to see…

Bubba's pregnant sister is in a serious car accident causing her to fall into a deep coma. She awakens after nearly six months and sees that she is no longer pregnant. Frantically she asks the doctor about her baby. The doctor replies, "Ma'am you had twins - a boy and a girl and your babies are fine. Your brother came in and named them." The woman thinks to herself, "Oh no! Not Bubba; he's an id***!" Expecting the worst, she asks the doctor, "Well, what's the girl's name?" "Denise," the doctor answers. The new mother thinks, "Wow! That's a beautiful name! I guess I was wrong about my brother. I really like the name Denise." She then asks the doc…

OK....on the previous Travelosophy post, the link was a dud. My bad, I should've checked it. I downloaded the mp3 to bypass the link. Enjoy Randy Gnome

A man walks into a drug store with his 8 year old son. They happen to walk by the condom display!, and the boy asks, "What are these, dad?? To which the man matter-of-fact replies, "Those are called condoms, son. Men use them to have safe sex." "Oh I see," replied the boy pensively. Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school." He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks, "Why are there 3 in this package?" The dad replies, "Those are for the high school boys, ONE for Friday, ONE for Saturday, and ONE for Sunday." "Cool" says the boy. He notices a 6 pack and asks, "Then who are these for?" Those are for college m…

Financial Advice In 2001 if you had bought $1000.00 of One-Tel stocks, it would now be worth about $9.00 to you as an unsecured creditor if you were lucky. In 2002 if you had bought HIH stock, you would have about $6.50 left of the original $1,000.00. In 2003 if you had gone overseas and bought ENRON you would have less than $5.00 left. But, if you had purchased $1,000.00 worth of Beer only one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminium recycling price, you would have $24.00. Cheers and send me more

Read this, you tell me.

Hi Guys, I have a palm pilot and DVD writer that I don't need anymore. I've attached a couple of pics so you get an idea of what it is that's up for sale. I thought I'd offer the bargain to people I know before putting them on ebay. If you or anyone you know might be interested let me know. Cheers

Will I live to be 80? I recently saw a new doctor, after two visits and exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing "fairly well" for my age. A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, "Do you think I'll live to be 80?" He asked, do you smoke tobacco or drink beer/wine?" "Oh no," I replied. "I'm not doing either." Then he asked, "Do you eat scotch fillet steaks smothered in garlic butter, barbecued ribs and crisps?" I said, "No, my other Doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!" "Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?" "No, I don't," I said. He asked, "Do…

Kiwi walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm and says: "Darling, this is the pig I have sex with when you have a headache." His girlfriend lying in bed replies: "I think you'll find that's a sheep, d***head." The man returns: "I think you'll find I wasn't talking to you."

A farmer named Clyde had a car accident. In court, the trucking company's fancy lawyer was questioning Clyde. "Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine?'" asked the lawyer. Clyde responded, "Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule, Bessie, into the..." "I didn't ask for any details", the lawyer interrupted. "Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine'?" Clyde said, "Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road...." The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this m…

OK, you've heard of the Travelocity Gnome from the TV and radio ads......well this ain't him. http://www.rock103.com/pages/crew/listen/m...sophy-gnome.mp3

Roy Wood Jr. prank phonecall. http://dl2.roywoodjr.com/Roy%20Wood%20Jr-B...eck%20DIRTY.mp3

Hope he doesn't spot this. ****, I guess he will now. ;)

Me: God, what does a million years mean to you? God: A minute. Me: And a million dollars? God: A penny. Me: Hmm.. Can I have a penny? God: In a minute.

Most of you have prolly already seen this but I thought it was cute .... Dear Tech Support: Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a slow down grade in the performance of the flower and jewelry applications that had operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0 In addition, Husband 1.0 un-installed many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.9, but installed undesirable programs such as NFL 5.0 and NBA 3.0. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do? Desperate *************************** Dear Desperate…

And tested your connection! Nice work! ;)